One of the hardest days as a mom to date yet.

Today happened to be one of the scariest days of my life as a parent.  I am sure you have already experienced one of these moments, probably more than once.

This morning Brayden woke up in immediate tears because his neck was hurting a.k.a. crick in the neck.  I gave him Motrin and put a warm compress on his neck and then he still wanted to go to camp, so we did.

He cried on several occasions because he would turn his neck wrong and it would be hurting him.  In fact in this left picture below, I was taking a picture of him dancing to the worship music and just when I happened to click, he was starting to hold his neck...accidental shot.

I am not a mom who freaks out over the little things.  I wasn't concerned about the crick in the neck.  Until.

We were swimming and he started complaining that he couldn't get his goggles on because of a large lump on the back of his head near the side of the neck that was hurting and that he had a headache too. And he had NOT hit his head.

I felt the blood drain from my face and I started shaking head to toe.  I was supposed to be lifeguarding at the time and I remember telling the guy next to me, "I hope you're watching the kids because I can't think straight."

I called my mom who in turn called her nurse friend Karen and they instructed me to go on in to the doctor.  I called the doctor and they said, "Yea that needs to be seen about immediately.  Come on in and we will see you now."  After all, those are signs of meningitis.  Or a tumor.  And I knew neither were good.

I really don't remember parts of driving there except that I called Jay in tears and knew I had to get control of myself before we got there and I scared Brayden half to death.  Jay was a couple of hours out of town and offered to come home but I told him to wait until I heard from the doctor.  If it was either of those things I mentioned, they would in turn send us to the hospital for either a scan or a spinal tap.  THEN I would need him to come home and fast.

I remember praying sooooo hard and acknowledging that I knew God was in control, that He knew what was best for us, and that I trusted him wholeheartedly with my son.  I was preparing myself for the worst and putting myself in the position of all those "other" moms whose life changed in a second when their child was diagnosed with cancer, leukemia or any other life changing event.  I felt so hopeless yet felt so comforted knowing God had his hands on my son, no matter the outcome.

I know this sounds depressing, but those emotions I felt at that moment were real.  And raw.  And scary.

The doctor we saw was wonderful...probably the best pediatric doctor I have seen to date.  God knew I  needed that to trust him with taking care of my son.  He listened to me...and listened to me some more.  He felt around a little bit and then had me feel around and then explained what we were feeling.  

His diagnosis was that it wasn't a tumor.  Or meningitis.  However it was part of the skull was swollen, about nickel size.  It wasn't anything to be concerned about...probably caused by the crick in the neck and that we just needed to watch it and it's size.  Based on his explanations and him having me feel that it was a portion of the skull, mirroring the other side of the skull, I was able to trust his diagnosis.  

Then I took a really deep breath.

The doctor also gave me some of the best advice I have gotten from a doctor.  He stated, "Good medical care is 90% a mother's intuition.  A correct medical diagnosis requires a momma's 2 good eyes and a doctor's 2 good ears."  He told me that I had done the right thing with bringing him in and that he would have done the same with his son.

It was a very scary day, one that I know many experience for real, and their ending didn't end up as mine did today.  My heart breaks for them because for 2 seconds, I knew how they felt.  And it's REALLY hard.  It definitely puts things into perspective after I read a blog like this.  I hugged my babies hard today and am grateful for another day with my loved ones.

God is good, despite my circumstances.  He not only held my son in his hands today, but he held me as well.  Because I couldn't have done it on my own.

Today there were 2 footprints in the sand and they weren't mine.

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On a more positive note, Brayden had gotten this henna tattoo last night about Noah and God's promise to him.

This sweet little 6 year old boy shared his henna with both the doctor and the nurse today at his doctor's visit.

This was God's way of telling me I have a very special boy and He is not finished with him yet.  :)