Unfortunately, I am....

• I am selfish.  I often want things done my way, in my timing, on my own agenda and just the way I like it.  
• My house is not always clean.  I often don't make my beds, neglect the bathrooms, put off laundry and do only what has to be done to get through the day.  And when I do do my mother/wife chores, I often do it with a bad attitude, grumbling and complaining instead of thanking God for the clothes, the house, the husband and the children.
• I yell sometimes.  I am often not proud of it but when my frustration levels are high, I have been known to yell at my children unnecessarily.  I always regret it and sometimes I repent and ask forgiveness, but probably not enough.
• I sometimes am more concerned about my "to do" list than spending quality time with my children.
• At night, sometimes my agenda is to get the kids in bed as fast as possible so that I can be selfish in doing what I want to do instead of savoring those sweet moments when they want to cuddle.
• Sometimes I am not a good communicator and pout to my husband/give the silent treatment instead of openly communicating to him something I didn't like about his behavior.  Often it has alot more to do with me than him.
• I am a right-fighter and don't like to admit when I am wrong.  I have fought this my whole life and absolutely despise this about myself.  It is such a habit that I sometimes do it without even thinking about it and am brought to tears later for lack of wisdom in restraining it.  My husband helps me with this and brings it to attention (at my request).
• I am a disciplined person but often not for the right reasons.  Sometimes I refuse to give up because someone is watching me and I don't want to be seen as a failure by someone else.
• Often I don't control my tongue even when I know it is wrong.  I have talked about people because I am jealous or to make myself better.
• I worry too much about what other people think about me and my family.
• I am vain and also dislike things about my body fully knowing that God made me just the way He wanted me to be.
• I am shy and an introvert and dislike it and often try to change it although I know God made me special and unique.
• I am a know-it-all although I know I don't know it all.

I am well aware that it often looks like I have all my ducks in a row and things are perfect in bloggy world but just want to be "real" today and let you know I struggle like everybody else.  It is very humbling to admit to anyone or especially to all of you all of the things the Lord has convicted me of and that I repeatedly ask forgiveness for on a daily basis. All of these things are a struggle when I walk in the flesh and not in the spirit.  I am brought to tears when I look at how "filthy" I am and how I don't deserve anything but eternity away from Christ.  I am absolutely flabbergasted that God could use someone such as me.

Because of these things and many more (this is just my short list!) I am aware of my DESPERATE need for Jesus, His grace and the Word.  And that is why a quiet time is of utmost importance to me.  Because without Him, I am one big trainwreck!

I have been reminded after reading the Law at the end of Exodus that God isn't a God that desires us to follow a bunch of rules, but out of love for Him, we desire to be as He is, holy.  And I will continue (with His help) to strive for that, despite my many faults and failures, to bring Him praise and glory in everything I do. 

"The heart is more deceitful that all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

"What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ² By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³ Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.⁵ For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. ⁶ For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with,^[a] that we should no longer be slaves to sin— ⁷ because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

⁸ Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. ⁹ For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. ¹⁰ The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.¹¹ In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹² Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³ Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. ¹⁴ For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." Romans 6:1-14


"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  Galatians 2:20

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ."  Philippians 1:27a

^"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."  Philippians 3:8

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:2-3

^"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."  Colossians 3:23-24

^"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6